A very merry blog birthday!

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I started this blog five years ago(!!) with my inaugural post on Christmas Eve. At the time I had been writing short little essays like these for almost a year and didn’t know what to do with them. On New Year’s Eve 2014, I was with some girlfriends and we talked about our goals and dreams for the next year. I said I wanted to do something with my writing but didn’t know what – didn’t know what it was supposed to look like or who would read it. God had put the idea of a blog on my mind a couple of times but I pretty much said no, as I had been so prone to do at the time. I felt like I was too late to the blog game – that I didn’t have anything new to say and plenty of people were doing it better than I could and, on top of that, I was listening to the critics in my head. I knew exactly who would think it was dumb that I was starting a blog and instead of listening to God’s whisper to move forward, I was listening to the ideas of what I thought this small group of people might say to me or about me behind my back.  

But then I realized that what other people said about me behind my back was none of my business. And it actually said more about them than it did about me. And did I really care about their opinion anyway? Well, to be completely honest, yes. I did and still do sometimes. Ha! It’s hard to hear criticism and we all want to be liked. I still feel completely inadequate and vulnerable and sweaty before I hit ‘publish’ on these little posts of mine. But almost every time I do it feels like an act of obedience to God. He asked me to come here to share what I’ve learned and it’s up to him who reads it or needs it.

And so today I just want to celebrate what God has done here with this little space. Through my ramblings about life and love, my stories about dating and marriage, babies and miscarriage, my thoughts on death and faith, God has brought me new friends and new connections with old friends. As of today, my blog has had readers in all 50 states and in 98 countries around the world. This site has been viewed nearly 50,000 times. I am stunned. And humbled. And thankful. Maybe those numbers don’t seem all that big to you – I mean I know some people get that many likes per day on their Instagram photos —but when I started this, I was convinced my mom was the only one who would read it so God did something bigger than I ever planned or thought possible and I am grateful to be part of whatever he is doing here in this space.

So to all of you who have been here and encouraged me and cried with me and laughed with me – thank you. Just thank you for being here. For coming with me on this journey toward God and life to the full. Thank you for sharing these words with the people you know and love. Thank you for reaching out to me and letting me know that these words meant something to you.

There’s a quote on my “About” page from Henri Nouwen and it sums up why I have come back here time and again for the last five years to share with you – because I want to share what God has done in my life so that it might encourage you. That it might spur you on to greater faith. That it might help you see some light. That it might inspire you to turn to God for the first time or turn back to him for the first time in a long time. I’ll lay my life here for you that you might see Jesus in it. That you might feel a moment of, “Hey, me too — I’ve felt that/seen that/done that.”

I’ve learned and grown so much over the last five years. I’ve shared a lot with you through my joys and sorrows. When I started this blog I wasn’t even dating Aaron and here I am married with a toddler. A lot can change in five years. Here are some of the greatest hits on my blog in that time:

This is was my first post about Christmas Eve five years ago. It seems to be possibly even more relevant this year than it was then!

This post has remarkably been in my popular content count for the last three years. I don’t know what draws people back to it, but this letter I wrote to my grandpa before he died has been shared and read many, many times.

This is another one that frequently shows up in popular content. It’s the story of the baby I lost two summers ago before Nixon came along. It’s my sincere hope that those who have walked through this type of hurt find consolation and hope here.

This post of my engagement photos makes me so happy and nostalgic for life in Hawaii.

Is there something you’d like to see here in the next year on my blog? Please feel free to reach out and let me know. I want to come to this space more often in 2021. That’s my goal. So if there are things you want to know or something you’d like to read about, please let me know. A woman I know wrote me a message on instagram and I turned my response into a blog post. It has been in popular content repeatedly as well. You can read about feeling too old right here.

So five years later, I’m here to say don’t let those voices in your head hold you back from what God might be calling you toward. On the other side of obedience is greater blessing. And I’m more interested in that than a cheap comment about how dumb my blog is. So I’ll be here sharing until God calls me on to something else. Until then, thanks for joining me.

Love you guys. Peace and joy to you this Christmas season. 

Happy birthday, Nixon!

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The last year was beautiful and challenging and contained all the best stuff of life. Aaron and I cried (more me than him haha) and we laughed through growing pains that have forever changed who we are and how we live. We have new rhythms that revolve around loving, guiding, caring, and providing for this sweet, one year old gift we’ve been given. I’m so thankful for the ways I have been learning who Aaron is, who God is, and who I am as we navigate raising this precious boy.

The other night Aaron and I were watching a movie and during a sweet scene between the father and son, I started to tear up. I looked at Aaron and said, “Does having a child change the way you watch movies?!” We agreed that it changes the way you view… well, everything. You understand the love your parents have for you and the love God has for all of us in a way you couldn’t fathom before —but that’s the way with most of life. Our experiences change us, opening new doors to compassion, new roadways toward empathy, new streams of grace flowing from our hearts out into the wonderful wide world.

I’m so thankful to be this boy’s mom. He is all joy and smiles. The one God knew we needed. Here’s a tiny glimpse of our last year. The year we learned the beginning steps in the dance of parenting.