Never.

If you talk to anyone who has known me over the last ten years (or more!) they would tell you that they’ve heard me say some version of this rehearsed lie:

“Yeah, I’ll get married on the 1st of Never.”

Ha! It’s true. I have proof. This is a text exchange I just had recently with a friend of mine:

Her text actualIy made me laugh because I was already in the middle of writing this post. Clearly I was like a broken record when it came to dating and marriage. I basically told anyone who would listen: “I’m never getting married.” “I’ll probably never have a husband.” "Just waiting to find that blind, deaf guy who wants to date me."  I was constantly reminding myself and others that there was no guarantee this would happen for me - trying to make sure my hopes didn’t get up too high. Maybe you know someone like this. Maybe you are this person, repeating the same stale phrases. But, do you know what I was doing? Self-protecting. Shielding my heart because, you know, Proverbs says to, “Guard your heart,” and they told me to do that a lot growing up in youth group. What would it need protection from more than the devastating heartbreak I felt over being single?

I used to tell myself I wasn’t getting married because I was cushioning the blow to my own self. If I never did get married then at least people wouldn’t feel bad for me, they’d just say, “Well, she always knew she wouldn’t. I guess she was right.” Instead of something like, “I wonder why she’s not married?” “She must really suck for no one to want to date her.” “I can’t believe she’s still alone.” I didn’t want people to pity me and I didn’t want them to talk bad about me - especially my exes. Gosh, how quickly they all moved on with their lives and got married while there I was, still alone, feeling like a loser.

But the problem is, when you tell yourself something for too long, you start to believe it and you start to live it out in different, perhaps subconscious, ways. Like I started to embrace my "single forever" identity.  I convinced myself I wasn't worth dating, which caused me to never seek anyone out, even if I liked them. Then I scoffed at anyone who showed the slightest interest, because, see reason #1, I wasn't worth dating and I knew they'd figure that out soon enough. Super fun and helpful to your emotional well-being, right? I know.

Another way to deal with disappointment in one area of life is to find other areas you can control. Like you can work like crazy to have the perfect house. You can be the perfect friend. You can be the perfect daughter/sister/volunteer/employee because at least you can control that aspect of your life. That’s what I found myself doing. I would grip tightly to control some other area because I knew this one wasn’t happening for me and I felt so useless and rejected. Gosh, this smells an awful lot like pride.

Remember a couple of years ago when the book The Secret was a really big deal? (And by a couple of years, I mean 11 because I just looked it up, and by "a really big deal" I mean I think Oprah latched on to it, so whatever.) I never read it but from what I hear it talks about the law of attraction or “like attracts like.” According to the easiest of Wikipedia searches,

The Secret posits that the law of attraction is a natural law which determines the complete order of the universe and of our personal lives through the process of "like attracts like". The author claims that as we think and feel, a corresponding frequency is sent out into the universe which attracts back to us events and circumstances on that same frequency. For example, if a person thinks angry thoughts and feels angry, the author claims that said person will attract back events and circumstances that cause them to feel more anger. Conversely, if the person thinks and feels positively, they will attract back positive events and circumstances.

In this case, my negative attitude about dating was attracting negativity. It left me sitting in complacency and discontentment and actually embracing my identity as "single" even though I actively hated it. Have you ever heard that phrase, "Your vibe attracts your tribe"? Unhealthy people attract unhealthy people. Negativity attracts negativity. To be clear, I think this whole idea of sending frequencies into the universe leaves a glaring God-sized hole in what ultimately determines the path for your life, but I still believe there is some legitimacy to the thought. When I let go of my assertion that I would never get married, when I focused on other things, got involved in other areas, really focused on obedience to God in different areas of my life – my general attitude about life changed and I stopped focusing on what I didn’t have. And that’s precisely when Aaron walked into my life.

I’m not saying this is a magic bullet. I’m not saying that you’re going to find health, wealth and happiness if you just think positive thoughts as often as possible. If you’re positive every single day, bad, awful, wicked things might still happen in your life. And that is the result of living in a broken world. But I can tell you that positivity and a grateful heart will at least help the level of joy you experience in your day to day. I can tell you that finding other areas of your life to focus on - other ways you can serve and love and give back - will cause you to be less concerned with and have less time for self-protecting.

So if you find yourself saying, "I'm never getting married" or any other "never" phrase in an effort to self-protect, please stop. Even if you're joking. Don't say it. Stop yourself from rehearsing those lines. Focus on a better dream and tell yourself the stuff you WILL do. I will buy a house. I will have a baby. I will join that group. I will start that company. I will start working out. I will get married. I will finish school. I will ____.  That's a much better use of your time. I know it’s hard to hope in the midst of loneliness. I know it’s hard to get your hopes up only to have them come crashing to the ground over and over again. I know that it’s hard to pray for good things when it seems you’ve only been given a double helping of heartbreak. But find people who will hope for you. Find the people who will lift up your prayers when you can’t. 

I just don’t want you to grow weary. I know weary well. But I heard the verse again last week in a sermon I was listening to from Levi Lusko. Do not "grow weary in doing good..."  Don't grow weary in waiting for your dreams. Don’t grow weary. I read a quote from Elisabeth Elliott that said, “God has promised to supply all our needs. What we don’t have now, we don’t need now.” Yowza! I know I always felt like I knew what I needed and I knew how I felt and, “Come on, God! Don’t you think it’s my turn now?” But instead, we need to find some better dreams. Find some truths we can rehearse. Put them on sticky notes in your car, on your bathroom mirror if you need to – tell yourself the things you’re going to do instead the things you will never do. Tell your friends to help you remember.

I want to speak confidently of what I know my God can provide. I want to be sure of his faithfulness and speak it with conviction rather than shrink back in self-protection. I want to believe for certain that whatever comes will be exactly what I need and at the most perfect time. He knows all your dreams and desires and plans and wishes and hopes. He put them there as he carefully fashioned your very heart. So stop doubting and start declaring. Stop doubling down on what you’ll "never" have and start proclaiming the truth that he will provide ALL that you need. Not all that you want, but all that you need and I find that to be much more comforting than someone who gives me all that I want because my wants change by the hour.

I wish I would have shut up about never getting married because here I am about to get married.  And now I feel like my tantrums and cries over singleness were so silly. I know they weren’t – I know God doesn’t feel that way either. But they feel kind of dumb now in light of all that has happened in the last year. So I’m sorry if you heard me at any point in my life say, “I’m never getting married.” It was birthed out of a tightly-held insecurity that maybe I wasn’t worth marrying. And that was something I needed to deal with in my own heart. Maybe you do, too. What are you telling yourself you won’t do and why? What’s the reason for not believing he will provide at exactly the right time? How are you holding yourself back from all that God has for you?

He'll provide all you need. If you don't have it yet - you don't need it yet. Go boldly into the world today believing that truth over any lie.

Engagement photos.

They're heeeeere! And, gosh, we love them so much! I've been dying to share them (seriously been sitting on them for over a month!), but we wanted to send out our Save the Date before I posted them all to the world wide web. If you follow me on Instagram, you should have seen a few sneaks by now, but here they are in all their glory.

As I was exchanging emails with our photographer during the planning process for this session, she asked about our story - how we met, how he proposed, and what we like to do. I told her that Aaron is always taking me on new adventures and that my very first time camping was when I was in Hawaii last May. So, sweet Sunny had the great idea of telling that part of our story with a bonfire and s'mores! It was so perfect! We had a blast. You guys, these photos are truly us and we are so excited to share them with you. Also, if you're ever on Oahu and looking for a photographer, please look up Sunny Golden (isn't her name the cutest?) and tell her we sent you. She is such a gem! 

Wish.

On January 25, 2016, I wrote in my journal that for some strange reason I couldn't explain, I felt like Aaron might one day be my husband. 

On November 11, 2016, Aaron asked me to be his wife. 

WHAT! I know. Crazy, right? This year, let me tell you. It has been nothing I could have ever imagined - more than I ever knew to how to ask for from God. And needless to say, the last two weeks have been especially exciting and highly emotional. Like even right now, I just feel a little bit like crying and I don’t know why!

But before we get to the proposal, I just have to back up so that I can always, always remember the way those two weeks transpired. Because just over a week ago Aaron proposed to me, but a week before that he surprised me by even coming to Nebraska in the first place! Aaron and I last saw each other in August when he came home for a couple of weeks and then the next time we planned to see each other was this December when I fly out to Hawaii after Christmas. We were patiently (and some days, not so patiently) counting down the days to when we could actually be together and not just stare at each other’s faces through our phone screens. If you don't know, the time difference between Nebraska and Hawaii is, most of the year, five hours. So we are at completely different points in our day ALL OF THE TIME. I know there are more difficult relationship hurdles, but trust me, this is not ideal... unless you're trying to surprise your girlfriend by flying across the ocean overnight.

The day Aaron surprised me by showing up at my office, I was under the impression that he would be getting up early to go boogie boarding with his brother-in-law. This seemed exactly zero percent suspicious to me. They had planned it for over a week and I assumed that I wouldn’t talk to Aaron until after he got to work that day, which was 1 pm central time.

Just after 1:00, Aaron sent me a message to let me know that he made it to work. We talked briefly before he said he had to head off to a meeting at work that “shouldn’t be more than an hour.” Meanwhile, Heath (his brother-in-law) posted a photo of Aaron on Instagram that appeared to be Aaron heading into the water, boogie board in hand. See?

The afternoon went on and I didn't talk to Aaron too much. He got out of his "meeting" (which I later found out was a flight from Minneapolis to Omaha) but he kept telling me what a busy day it was at work and that there were some urgent things to get done. Late in the afternoon my own boss called me into a meeting. I had been sick for the entire week, even stayed home from work for two days and still barely had my voice back, so when I'm sitting in the meeting and started to feel like I might cough, I had a minor panic attack because I knew it wouldn’t be a dainty little throat-clearing. So I excused myself and headed back to my desk and I’ll just let the video tell the rest of the story.

So, Aaron pulled off an epic surprise! People keep asking, "Did you have any idea?" None. He worked with my family, my boss, my friends and his family to make sure I had no idea he was coming to Nebraska for my birthday. It was amazing! I still don’t really have words for how I felt when I turned around and he was there in my office! A moment I will never forget.

The rest of the week was really normal. We talked about what we might do for my birthday, made dinners together, spent time with family, and since I had no vacation time, I went to work and he met me downtown each day for my hour lunch break. I mean, how sweet is he? Yikes. I don’t know if I have the words. 

On that Friday morning, the day he proposed, Aaron brought me coffee.

"Oh, babe! It's 11/11," he said. "Make a wish." He acted like he just realized the date, but this was his whole plan, you guys. Don't let him fool you.

He doesn't know this but I didn't make a wish. I just said a silent thank you, being ever grateful for this sweet man who made me feel so special.

That morning I went to work thinking it was just another day where he would meet me for lunch, but when lunchtime rolled around and I hadn’t really heard from him, I sent him a text and asked if he was coming. His response was to ask if my boss was still in the office. "Yes?"

Apparently he had already talked to my boss that morning (AGAIN!) and worked it out with her for me to leave even though we were short-staffed and it was a super busy time of year for us. What a dreamboat! Jailbreak from work for a super delicious birthday lunch? Yes please! So we head to lunch and when he keeps checking his watch, I ask if we’re in a rush and he says we have somewhere to be at 1:30 but wouldn’t tell me where we were headed. Eeek! Can you tell that he loves a good surprise?

Next thing I know, we arrive at a spa where he says I’m getting a manicure, pedicure and a massage. WHAT! I started crying as we waited for my appointment. I have never, in the history of Lyndi, dated someone who I felt like remembered or cared about my birthday. Honestly, one guy waited until 11 pm to even acknowledge that it was my birthday and the guy before that never said anything. (Wow, hi, my name is Lyndi and I don’t know how to get a clue. *Hiiiiii Lyndi*)

So Aaron leaves me at the spa and says he will pick me up at 5:00 when my appointments are over. I spent the next three hours in the lap of luxury.

Clearly, I was having a terrible time.

By this point I had added to my Snapchat story several times and a few friends were snapping me back with things like “WHAT! Nails done? You’re totally getting engaged.” I denied it and really, truly believed myself. Getting engaged was maybe 1-2% on my radar. Do radars work in percents? Maybe. Anyway, I told them I wasn’t and this was just all for my birthday! Of course it was! It was birthday weekend!

My massage finished up and I head out to the reception area to see if Aaron was back yet, but the woman at the counter handed me my car keys. "These are for you!" she said, smiling. I walk out to my car to find this:

I mean, is this a dream? When I was telling the cute girl who did my nails the story of how Aaron surprised me by showing up in Nebraska she said, “Wow, I feel like that kind of stuff only happens in the movies.” And I’m sitting there like, “RIGHT?!”

Now I’m in my car with a bunch of roses and the sweetest card that says to go home and get ready for dinner where attire is “fancy to fancy-schmancy.” So I head home to shower and get ready and next was a flurry of texts between my mom and sisters as they helped me decide what to wear. I'm still amazed at how casual everyone acted at every point in all these surprises. Oscars for everyone!

When Aaron arrived and I opened the door to see him standing there I about melted into a Lyndi-puddle. He was wearing a new shirt and tie and a new leather coat and ohmygosh. Dead. The only thing I had in my head was, “Wow. Best birthday ever.” As we're walking out the door, my sister texted and said she wanted a picture of us together, and because we're the sassy people we are, we sent her this one: 

So we go to dinner and talk and laugh a lot over crab cakes and wine and steak and salmon. Aaron and I have never had a problem coming up with things to talk about and this dinner was mostly just reminiscing on the last year of our lives from my last birthday to this one and how much had changed. At one point, it was also almost about my literal death, because I choked so hard on a potato that I was one half of a second from needing the Heimlich. I don’t try to cause a scene *everywhere* I go, but I like to keep it interesting, you know?

So we both live through dinner and to my knowledge we are headed back to my apartment, until Aaron takes a different street and we wind up in our church parking lot. I thought we were possibly showing up at a surprise birthday party? I didn't know. That was the only thought in my head on this day full of complete surprises.

Aaron told me previously that he first saw me when he was in high school. As he tells it, he was too shy to talk to girls and I was “a tornado.” I still don’t know what he means by that since I’m so quiet and shy and introverted, but maybe I’ll figure it out someday. So Aaron pulls up next to the building on our church campus where he saw me and retells the story of his first sighting and then we walk toward the main building of our church. I said, “Babe, these doors are going to be locked,” just as he magically pulls open the far left door. Do the surprises ever end?

At this point I was still oblivious. I thought we were maybe going for a post-dinner coffee in the coffee shop where I work but rather than up the stairs to the shop, he leads me into the main auditorium. The lights were low except for the stage. He walks me down the aisle where I usually sit for church. This also happens to be the place of our very first face-to-face conversation last November. “Remember when I came down and talked to you and your friends?” “Uh, yeah, and I thought you were SO CUTE!” I really did. He was and is so stinkin’ cute.

Aaron walked us both down the aisle and up to the main stage. It was at this point, and ONLY at this point, that I was finally thinking, “Wait… is this?... is he?...” He was holding me close and smiling so sweetly and I wish I could remember what he said but I remember thinking, “Oh, this is happening, wow, this thing that I never ever ever thought would happen is happening right this minute. Be here now. Hold on to this very moment that you never thought would come.”

And then I wept. 

When Aaron came into my life more fully earlier this year, it was like my heart started to wake up and dream again about what it might be like to not live my whole life alone. Throughout our relationship I really felt God pushing me and asking me to take these next steps in a relationship with him even though it was scary for me. My relationship history is riddled with some trial and lots of error because I had no understanding of myself and God's plan for me. But over the last year, each of us kept taking baby steps forward as we felt led and, gosh, has it been so worth it.

Last Sunday night, the church I go to had a celebration service for the fact that we are now completely debt-free for the first time in 53 years. One of the quotes I read in the program for the evening was, “Where there is no risk, there is no faith.” Isn’t that so true? Where you’re so comfortable and sitting inside your little circle of safety, your faith isn’t required. There won’t be moments when you’re hanging on by a fingernail and yelling for God to show up because why would you need him when you’re cozy and comfortable and safe?

Relationship involves risk. There is always risk when you’re saying to another person, “Yes, I’m with you, whatever comes.” What if they break your heart? But what if they add more joy than you ever knew possible? Aaron and I had previously talked about our fears in relationship and marriage and I asked him about that after we got engaged and he said, "Sometimes you just have to do it afraid." Which, wouldn't you know, has been my own motto for years as I walked through my own scary things. "Where there is no risk, there is no faith." 

Our friends and our family have celebrated us so well these last couple of weeks and we just want to say thank you. We're excited for the faith journey that this will be together and the way we will be led to take the next steps forward in our relationship, which we have always felt to be of God and for him. 

A lot of people have recently reminded me how I used to say I would get married on the 1st of Never. I get it, I was annoying in the refrain I taught myself to believe. But, wouldn't you know, I guess 'Never' finally rolled around. What a dream.

Truth.

I have been caught in the comparison game lately. You know the one. You start to look at what she has and what he’s doing and start to take up your brain space with questions like, “Well how can they afford that?” “Why do they get to do that?” “How did he end up with her?” “Why do they have ____ and I’m over here with _____?” You start to wonder why this other person is more deserving than you – why they get to have the new thing and you’re stuck with some older thing or no things at all. I find myself tangled in it the most when I see engagement pictures, wedding pictures, new house pictures from people younger than me. Gosh, aren’t they still 12? Do they let 12 year olds purchase whole houses these days? And, more importantly, don’t they have to do their time here in this waiting room? Don’t they need to cry a few tears first as they listen to someone else’s name called ahead of theirs? Or sit long enough to feel the backs of their legs start to stick to the chair? 

I was listening to a sermon from Judah Smith not long ago and he posed this question: "Do you ever read the Bible to help yourself feel better?" You hold your Bible up and stick your finger randomly somewhere in the middle and open it up. Give me something, God! I need a fresh word here if I’m going to make it! I know you say you’re listening and you say you’re here, so just give me a sign. Speak to me!  I was at Bible study with my sweet group of women and one of them said the exact same thing – they don’t know where to start when it comes to reading the Bible so they just throw a finger in the middle and open it up. Whatever you have for me, God!

I did that one time. Learned my lesson real quick.

Last year, one of my best friends got engaged. I knew it was going to happen – this was not my first rodeo as co-conspirator on a proposal. Her boyfriend told me when and where and how this would all go down as he asked her to be his forever, so my heart knew it was coming that day. I waited for the picture to show up on my phone – the one where they’re hugging each other and she’s showing off her ring. I knew it would be perfect, just as she deserved. When it finally came later that evening, I’M ENGAGED!, it was everything I knew it would be: smiling faces, celebration, surprise, peace. There is a sense of peace that must come with engagement, when it’s the right person. Just this sense that the search and the waiting is over. No more games or guessing or set-ups. What a sweet deal that must be.

I stared at the photo on my phone and texted back something like, “YAY!” with probably 48 emojis following it: flame, kissy lips, heart-eyed smiley face, wedding ring, bride. I watched as other elated responses came in on the group message.

And then I burst into tears.

I laid on the couch and covered my face with a blanket, silently letting the tears fall while staring at that photo. It wasn’t the photo making me sad. I was thrilled for my friend. Over the moon. I was so happy that it was her turn. But it just made me wonder, once again, when it was my turn. It's easy to leap to that question when someone else gets a thing you've always wanted - a baby, a dog, a scholarship, a car, a trip, whatever the case may be.  And in those moments, the waiting room felt suddenly suffocating. The smell of the disinfected floors was stinging my nose and my ears were tired of perking up only to hear 'Lindsey' or 'Lisa' or 'Linda' called instead. 

As I studied the photo, this feeling kind of settled into my bones. It was a deep-seated, heart-wrenching, sort of soul-twisting, sinking feeling (doesn’t it sound great?) where I just thought, “You will never have this. You will never feel this way.” Those are the words that honestly came to my heart in those moments, staring bliss in the face. “You will never feel this way – this intense love and belonging and sense of being chosen. You will never be enough for someone to stay.” Being single and casually dating in our current culture is mentally chaotic and I had never known any remote sense of calm in a relationship before. I never felt completely at ease – never knew his true intentions or thoughts or feelings. Oh, I heard what he said, but I never listened to his actions and they will always tell you who they are even if they aren’t saying it out loud. 

Anyway, for a few years I had been asking (in the begging, pleading, crying, wiping the snot from my face kind of way) “God, what do you have for me?” I wrote one time about how I was always waiting for my Joseph-gets-out-of-jail moment. If you’re not familiar, there’s a story in the Bible about Joseph. Maybe your only reference is the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat – it’s that guy. He was sold into slavery by his own brothers, thrown in jail for YEARS, then one day he got out and became second in command IN THE WORLD. Talk about redemption. So I always felt like surely God had a version of that coming for me – surely I suffered enough, waited enough, prayed enough, served enough. Surely he saw me down here slugging it out at a job I didn’t love (what about my passions, God?), going on blind dates that never turned into second dates, hitting up my ten year high school reunion where the only card I had to play was “Secretary in a basement in the same place I went to college, which is in the same town I went to high school. No, I don’t have a spouse or a kids, you know what, I’ve done nothing since high school, okay byeeeee.” But, what do you know, that’s the only card I had and while I loved my high school reunion (for real, so fun!) I left feeling defeated. I needed an attitude adjustment. With everyone seemingly moving forward without me, I was pretty convinced the dealer had this one rigged and I desperately wanted a new hand.

The night my girl got engaged I threw a spectacular pity party for myself. I was stomping around in a puddle of sadness while also frantically looking for a way out. So when I threw my sorry self in bed that night, I opened the Bible to try and make myself feel better. Say something, God. I’m losing it down here. Hit me with sweet comfort like, “He’s near to the brokenhearted,” “For I know the plans I have for you,” “Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow." Okay, I don’t even think that last one is a verse, but I fully expected something comforting and cuddly - something you see cut out in script-font vinyl and stuck to the family room wall. I wanted a “Top ten verses when you’re feeling sad” list when I opened my Bible that night. So I stuck my thumb in a random spot and I opened those thin pages, landing on John 21, and above verse 18 the heading reads, “Our Times Are in His Hand” and my head was like, Yeah, they are, God. Preach, man. You’ve got my times so just tell me the times are going to get better!

Well, let me tell you what. God spoke that night. He just didn’t tell me exactly what I wanted to hear.

John 18: 21-22:  So Peter seeing him [John] said to Jesus, “Lord, and what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!” 

The exchange that happened there was Peter comparing his fate to that of John and Jesus basically said, “What’s it to you, man?” And as I sat there reading that night, and because I think God sometimes speaks to me in my love language of sarcasm, I heard the words as, “Hey Lyndi, if I want literally every single person you know on this whole green earth to get engaged and married before you, have kids before you, build three houses and own a yacht, and then live a life of unending joy and ease, what is that to you? You follow Me.” 

Ouch.

I don’t know about you but when my siblings and I were younger and we wanted to do something or go somewhere with friends but my parents said no, my mom’s answer to our protest was always, “I don’t care what they’re doing. They’re not my kid.” This is the kind of moment I imagine God was having with me. He had pulled me aside and said, “It doesn’t matter what she got, what I give him, what I do over here. This is what I’m doing with you. You know what I asked. Follow me.” 

One thing we know for sure is that God always promises to tell us the truth – about himself, about who we are, about our lives here. Instead of comfort, he gave me truth and I finally had the answer to my unending question, “God, what do you have for me?” In the weeks that followed he was steady to repeat, “This! This is what I have for you. Be here now. Follow me in this.” Stop waiting and wishing and daydreaming your way out of wherever you are. Stop comparing. Stop competing. Stop thinking there’s something else, something better. Look around the waiting room. There are other people here. Meet them. Talk to them. Bond over the crossword puzzle in the back of the waiting room magazines. Share the snacks in your purse. Love them well. “I’m giving you chances every single day to just be here. Can you do that?”

Sure, I can do that.

When I'm caught up in comparing, it's hard to see where God is leading me because I'm too busy trying to see if I can follow someone else. Assess your own life right now. Do you have everything you need to follow God today? If the answer isn't yes, I love you, but you're wrong. I was listening to Bob Goff speak recently and he was saying that sometimes we need to break it down and just see if we can follow God for the next 30 seconds. And if you get through that 30 seconds, add another 30 seconds to it. And another. Following God isn’t so much more than one foot in front of the other, ever forward toward him. Eugene Peterson calls it “a long obedience in the same direction.” 

Lately I've had to go back to that lesson I learned last year. I've had to check my heart a lot recently and, if I'm honest, I’ll probably need the reminder about seventeen times a day until I return to dust. We have to remember it doesn’t matter what other people are getting or doing or having. You can celebrate with them, but their road is not yours. The people and things in your life are specifically fashioned for you. We might never know why someone gets one thing and we get another and maybe it’s not fair - in fact, most times it probably won't be fair. But be careful when you read the Bible simply to help yourself feel better about it. He won’t always tell you what you want to hear, but he does promise to tell the truth, and that's what you really need anyway.

The waiting room has been a lot less stuffy lately. I got my nose out of my phone and met a few of my neighbors. I asked to change the radio station and started humming along. And I don't know if you read my last post or not, but I think I (finally!) heard my name called.