Sleeping on the boat.

We all scrambled on to the boat from the dock as the sun was setting lower on the horizon. After a few failed attempts, the boat roared to life and we took off across the lake. My one year old, Nixon, had been on a boat one other time in his little life but he loved it, so I knew he would enjoy the ride. Nixon has always loved loud noises – the mower, the vacuum, his sound machine – so the growl of the boat was nothing to him. He looked expectantly out over the water as the wind blew in his hair.

After the first time around the lake, I took Nixon from Aaron and held him in my arms as we continued to cruise around. The wind had a cold edge on it so I wrapped Nixon up in Aaron’s jacket and put the hood over his head to offer some protection. He cozied into my arms as we bump, bump, bumped over waves left by the wake of another boat. And as he sat there, jostling back and forth in my arms, Nixon slowly fell asleep. 

I took in the scene – wind blowing, motor growling, boat jumping over rough water along the lake – and a thought came to me: this is a little bit like our lives. We encounter wind and waves, bumps, unexpected jostling, a few moments of calm and then another unseen wave. But, when we know who holds us safe, we don’t have to fear.

Nixon wasn’t the slightest bit afraid on the boat – not of the noise, not of the bumps. And certainly part of that is because I wasn’t afraid. Had I been on higher alert, he may not have been able to relax, but since he felt safe, he was able to fall asleep. It was so beautiful. He was secure in my arms. He could rest.

When we know who holds us, we don’t have to fear. Do you know who holds you today? There’s a new song by Matthew West and the lyrics that pricked my heart the other day go like this:

Do you remember singing
Back when you were younger
He's got the whole world in His hands
Well, that's still true

I hold your family, all your friends, and all your loved ones
And even when you're barely holding on
I'm holding you

He holds us close. The Creator God — God of the mountains and the oceans, the trees and the bees, the God who is in control of breath and being — he holds us. He goes before us. He knows what we will encounter and he walks with us in it. He holds us through the bumps, through the noise, through the whipping wind. And he won’t let go. Even if we feel scared. Even if we can’t sleep. Even if we fight against his loving grasp. He holds us safe.

Do you know the story of Jesus in Mark 4 when he was on the boat with his disciples and the storm came up? The wind was whipping, the boat was being tossed by the waves and all his friends were like, “Hey, where’s Jesus?” Where did they find him? Sleeping in the boat. Confident in who held it all together despite the wind and the waves — despite what may have felt chaotic to his friends.

You know what has felt a bit chaotic? This whole year. I mean, honestly, take your pick, I think we’ve all felt a little out of sorts since, oh, say, March? If ever there were reasons for anxiety, it would be this year. Many have lost jobs and loved ones and homes and health. There is no shortage of unrest this year. But, in the midst of it all, there is one who holds us close. He knows. He sees what we’re up against and he says, “I’ve got this.”

While I believe what I am writing to you today, there have certainly been times throughout this pandemic where I wasn’t trusting who held it all together. I wasn’t relaxed enough to take a nap on a cushion in the back of the boat. I have been sitting up straight trying to anticipate what’s coming next – holding on for dear life to the side of the boat, wondering what wave will come and try to drown me. I have felt that if I just research enough, I could see what was ahead and it would be less scary. If I just read enough, talked to enough people who agreed with my opinion, and found enough evidence that there was no reason to fear, then I would be okay. I have been caught hoping in myself and my own understanding thinking that would give me some sort of peace, when instead, I could hand my fears over to God and go take a nap.

Let me clarify something here – I don’t mean we should sleep in the boat as opposed to taking action where God calls us to action. I don’t mean “sleeping” as a hall pass for laziness and passivity. What I mean by sleeping in the boat is a confident assurance of who holds your hand and your heart. Who commands your very breath. Who walks with you in each circumstance. You can let go of fear and anxiety because you know in your gut that someone with your very best interests in mind is guiding you every step of the way.

Have you ever seen someone walk into a room with a quiet confidence – they kind of command the room with their presence and warm smile? That’s what I mean. It’s that despite it all, no matter what seems to loom, there is a peace about them. A calm. An assurance that no matter what, it’s going to work together for good. You can rest wherever you are today, regardless of what is happening around you, because you remind your heart, “God goes before and behind me. God holds all this together and wants good for me. God knows what I need. I can take a nap over here in this boat because he’s at the helm.”

You can’t create that kind of peace on your own. That has to be given. A “peace that passes understanding “ that comes from the One who is our peace. He says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” Isn’t that refreshing for your bones today? He is the peace our hearts are searching for in this year, in this pandemic, in this life. He will give us the peace we all need if we just turn to him and say, “Jesus, I need the rest and peace that you alone offer.”

Certainly, it’s easy to write these things now, when my own life hasn’t been impacted in many difficult ways through this pandemic. So I write this now when things are going well so that when they aren’t — when we inevitably hit the next set of bumps — I can remind my heart again of these truths. If we are diligent to teach our hearts this refrain in the good times, the melody will come back to us again while we navigate the next set of waves.

So next time you’re feeling a little tense and anxious, son or daughter of God, remember that you can fall asleep in the boat because you know who’s holding you. You don’t have to fear. I don’t have to fear. We can be as cozy and confident as Nixon sleeping in the boat, safe in my arms, because we know in our heart of hearts, regardless of circumstances, God’s got this.