Rozlyn's birth story.

As far as birth stories go, I think Rozlyn’s is fairly normal. There was no emergent aspect to it like there was with Nixon. She wasn’t weeks early, and we had plenty of time to prepare. But for me, it was redemptive. It was everything I planned for with Nixon, but never got to experience, and that alone felt like the grace-filled goodness of God.

Since Nixon was three weeks early, I assumed I wouldn’t make it to my due date with this baby either. I was having quite a few contractions in the last couple weeks of pregnancy but still hadn’t gone into labor at my 39 week appointment, so we felt it was time to talk about an induction. We chose to be induced on November 1, which by my count was just two days overdue, and by my doctor’s count, two days prior to her due date. Early on in my pregnancy I talked to my doctor about wanting to try a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and she agreed that I was a good candidate for it and we could try when it came time for birth. While there are risks associated with VBAC, they are quite low, and I completely trust my doctor who felt confident in the decision. So when Rozlyn still wasn’t here at nearly 40 weeks, we scheduled the induction with the knowledge that at any time we may have to call an audible and opt for another c-section.

Well, I woke up on November 1 at 2:00 in the morning having contractions. For the next two hours, I slept on and off, thinking about how funny it was that I was going into labor on the day we planned to have our baby anyway. However, when I finally got up at 4:30 to shower and get ready to go, the contractions stopped completely. They say that’s how it goes a lot of times.

Last photo at home before heading to the hospital.

So we packed up our stuff and arrived at the hospital at 6:00 on a Monday morning and were taken back to our room. On another Monday, two years prior, our son was about to make his entrance into the world and before we went to the OR, we waited in room 405. And of all the rooms we could have been in on that floor for Rozlyn’s birth, it was the same one – 405 — because God was working to redeem even the smallest details for me.

We got settled in our room while we waited for my nurses. I started a diffuser which ran all day flowing lavender and peace & calming through the room. I turned on some music – a playlist I curated for the day. These are two other things I planned to do with Nixon, but you don’t get the same kind of personal setup choices in the operating room.  

I was started on Pitocin around 8:15 in the morning but for the next two hours I only had one or two contractions. It didn’t really start my labor even though they kept upping my dose. Then my doctor came in and broke my water at 10:00 and after that the contractions were almost immediate and unbearable. I was planning for an epidural, but my doctor wanted my labor to progress some before I got it so I labored for awhile but when they ask you to rate your pain on a scale of one to ten, mine was a ten. I wanted to scream and throw up. Thankfully, I only did the former and not the latter. During the contractions I thought, “I can’t do this, make it stop.” But then they would subside and I’d have a moment where I thought, “Oh, okay, that wasn’t so bad. I can do this.” And then they’d come back and it was a big “NOPE” from me. So I asked for my epidural and then we waited. And waited. And waited.

I finally got my epidural after waiting for the anesthesiologist for almost two hours. We knew another woman on the floor at the same time who also said she had to wait for hers. So, I don’t know where the anesthesiologist was but hello! We really needed you, sir! Have you ever had a horrible, painful, 10/10 contraction while someone is shoving a massive needle into your back and you’ve got to be completely still? Very fun. Would recommend. Ha!

Unfortunately, the epidural gave me about an hour or so of relief – maybe two hours before it started to wear off. I was given four more doses of medicine to try and make me comfortable but they didn’t work. The pain kept increasing, as it does in labor. My nurse and anesthesiologist kept asking me how I felt and at one point I said, “Mostly I just feel like crying.” And then I was bawling. It felt like too much. I shut off that dumb playlist I thought I needed – it was too much extra noise. I was tired and hungry and in more pain than I planned to be at that point. Certainly, it’s not like I was drug-free. I had some drugs on board, but I was also feeling every contraction with increasing intensity.

Let me back up and tell you what I thought would happen. Both of my sisters, with seven kids between them, had relatively easy labors. They were induced, they had epidurals, and they pushed two or three times before their babies were born into the world. TWO OR THREE times. What?! I have friends who said they got their epidural and then took a nap! A whole nap! So that’s what I planned for in my head, which was a huge mistake. In hindsight I could have done more to prepare mentally for labor – for the pain, for the pushing, for what to expect. I just figured it would be pretty quick and fairly painless. And now I’m just laughing at my own naivety. What a moron! Haha.

Anyway, since I was in so much pain, my anesthesiologist said the next step we could take is to replace the epidural because it must not be in the right place since I wasn’t getting relief. Turns out my left thigh was deadened and couldn’t bear any weight for the next twelve hours even though the rest of my body was fine, so maybe that’s where all the medicine went! Anyway, they decided to check my progress before we went ahead with replacing my epidural. Of course at that point I was 10 cm, so it was too late. I had to power through. So I started pushing at 3:15pm and pushed for what seemed like an entire span of eternity.

And then our reality shifted just slightly, the story of the world shining a little brighter, as Rozlyn Evangeline made her entrance at 4:43pm on November 1, 2021. She was laid on my chest and it’s all kind of a blur – I remember asking if she was okay because she hadn’t cried and my doctor saying, “Yeah! She’s great!” Then -- the sound that shook the room and my heart, Rozlyn started crying. And so did I and so did Aaron. She was here! Aaron cut her umbilical cord and after all the waiting and hoping and first trimester puking, she was here. And she was absolutely lovely.

I have read other birth stories and seen other posts on Instagram where women have talked about their births being such an empowering, spiritual experience – how they felt so connected and present. I remember with Nixon’s birth I was very present and I prayed and invited God into that space and recited verses in my head to calm my heart. But Rozlyn’s was nothing like that. I couldn’t focus on anything other than the pain and feeling like my pushing was not doing a gosh darn thing. I couldn’t think of a single verse to calm my heart. I felt like I couldn’t string two words together. I was tired and hot. I kept my eyes closed for most of it – like I had to intentionally tell myself to open my eyes at some points because I just kept squeezing them shut at the pain and probably also the vulnerable action of birth with so many people watching/helping.

While I don’t feel like it was the spiritual, empowering experience some women talk about, I did get a beautiful baby out of it in the end and that’s really the whole goal. My sister told me she didn’t feel like she knew what she was doing either, but she got the baby out so she counted it as a win and I agree. Rozlyn’s here safely. We’re both healthy. Birth is just a whole thing - a miracle however it happens. Women are warriors for bringing all these billions of people to the world over millennia.

And looking back at it all, Rozlyn’s birth was the redemption I didn’t know I needed. All the things I thought I wanted for Nixon’s birth – the things I thought out and planned and hoped for – and still, God’s plan perfectly orchestrated to bring her here. It was hard - certainly the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I think most women who’ve labored would agree. But, really, which part of parenting isn’t hard? From the very beginning, it’s your whole heart for your whole life.

I’m so thankful for this gift of motherhood. It was something I wanted so badly to experience but didn’t know if God would ever make it part of my story. But he saw fit to give me this blessing at just the right time – my two sweet kids. My amazing husband. I have to give him a big shoutout because he was amazing throughout the whole day. Before the labor he joked that he preferred I have a c-section because he didn’t know if he could watch the actual birth this way and he was going to send in a replacement. But he was awesome and I couldn’t have done a single second of it without his help and support.

So here we are, a family of four. It feels like Rozlyn has been part of our family and our lives this whole time. I don’t know if it’s because it’s our second baby, or because I’m less high-strung, or because she’s been such an easier baby, but we really are doing so well this time around, which is another little piece of redemption because I struggled a lot after Nixon was born. Thank you, Jesus. Our Redeemer. Making everything beautiful in its time.

Evangeline means “messenger of good news” and she really is our good news, especially coming after suffering through our second miscarriage. But our bigger hope is that she will bring the true good news - the good news of the gospel — wherever she goes, shining the light of Jesus into this world through God’s story for her life.

This is just the story of her beginning.

“How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news.”
Romans 10:15