Faithless.

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I was scrolling on Twitter the other day and saw this little excerpt someone tweeted from a book or study by Scott Sauls and it struck me in such a way that I felt compelled to take a screenshot.

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So often we're taught that our number one goal is to be like Jesus. WWJD, remember? (Aaron and I were talking about those bracelets the other day. We want to bring them back and start wearing them around. Anyway, that's not the point.) Even if you don't believe in Jesus as God, you probably know about him as a nice guy. So what does it mean to be like Jesus? Why do we say that? Do we even know what we mean when we say that? Can we start healing people of their illnesses? Raising them from the dead? Raising ourselves from the dead?!

I think when people say that we should try to be like Jesus, they're talking about his kindness, gentleness, patience. His calm, steady hand. His willingness to sit with the people who were a little weird or a little quiet or a little hard to get along with. His ability to comfort and love with reckless abandon. They're talking about the way he spoke life over everyone he encountered. Okay, sign me up. That’s the kind of person I want to be – the kind of friend, the kind of spouse, the kind of coworker, the kind of parent - the kind that listens and loves and looks like Jesus. But the only way we can do that, the only way we have a shot, is if we’re sticking close to Jesus. Like Scott's tweet alluded to, I think we focus a little too much on being like Jesus and not enough time being with him. We like to think we know who he is because we read the Bible one time or we hear it once a week on Sundays, or because YouVersion sends us a notification of a Bible verse every morning, but do you really spend time with him to get to know him better? Do you spend time with Jesus so that you can show people what he’s like or do you settle for knowing a couple stories from the felt board in elementary Sunday school and recalling the one verse you have memorized?

Several years ago now, I was at a real low point in my life. I felt dead, spiritually and emotionally. And as much as I prayed about it and asked God to heal it, rescue me out of it and change it all, I wasn’t spending any time with him. You can ask for things from the Lord, but if you’re not opening his Word to see what he has to say about it, well then do you really want an answer? So one day I just decided to start over. To start at the beginning in Genesis. To stop thinking I already knew it all and begin again at the start of the story.

I took out my Bible and started reading. Growing up in church, I had heard this story probably nine hundred times, but did I really know it? I started at, “In the beginning… “ and tried to get a fresh word from the Lord. And do you know that it says if you seek him, you will find him? I was finally seeking. And it was in the seeking that he met me. And as I spent more and more time with him I was finally able to break free from some of those strongholds that sin had on my life.

It’s like when Peter walked on water. Jesus called him out of the boat, “Look at me, Peter. Look at me. Eyes on me.” And he walked out. He was walking on water. But the minute he started looking away, eyes down, on himself, he started to sink. Eyes off Jesus and you’ll start to slip. That’s just the way it always goes sooner or later. So where’s your focus? Who are you looking to? Are your eyes up on Jesus or down on your circumstances, your sin, your mess?

In a sermon one time, Judah Smith talked about how when you’re trying to quit a sin – when you’re trying to get out from under the weight of a persistent sin in your life – you need to focus more on being with Jesus rather than quitting the sin. When you focus more on spending time with Jesus, that sin is going to start to look a lot less appealing. That temptation will have a lot less hold on your life when you start to look at Jesus instead of that sin and how you can't overcome it, because to be honest, you can't. Not on your own. So, eyes up, friend. Look at Jesus. Spend more time with Jesus. Read his words. Trust his promises. See what happens.

I just finished a Bible study from Hannah Brencher. It’s a really great 15 session study and I encourage you to click here and get a copy sent to your inbox. But in one of the later sessions she’s talking about Satan and his desire to seek, kill and destroy you. Yes, you. That is his one desire for your life. Damage and destroy. Drive you to despair and loneliness and isolation. Drown you in your fears and anxieties until you’re feeling completely alone. And I’m paraphrasing here, but she writes, “Satan does not care about anything except rendering you faithless.” He doesn’t care about ANYTHING except making sure that you do not trust Jesus and he’ll use any means to do it. Whether he has to keep your eyes glued to the past and how things "should have been" or if he has to remind you of all the things you don't have, he does not care about you as long as he has rendered you faithless. As long as you’re telling God he just doesn’t understand your circumstances. As long as you’re believing lies instead of truth – trusting your own heart instead of trusting the heart of God. That’s all the devil really cares about - leaving you in a pit of faithlessness. 

I think that’s one of the biggest problems we have in the world today – faithlessness. Our faith is too small or nonexistent. We like Jesus but we just don't trust him with everything. We’re looking down at the water and wondering why we’re sinking, or knowing why and not caring – not believing that walking on water is even possible. We’re trying to tell people what Jesus is like without spending any time getting to know him ourselves, simply relying on stories we heard one time. We’re forgetting our purpose and living for our own happiness, our own wishes and hopes and comforts. We know about Jesus but we don’t know him.

Are you faithless today? Have you given up on God in one area or another or maybe altogether? Have you written him off and let the devil win this one? Have you succumbed to unbelief and instead listened to the lie that God cannot fix this relationship, this financial situation, this dream, this desire? Are you believing the lie that God is holding out on you, does not want good for you, does not see you or care? Have you been left faithless because of hard circumstances?

Can I challenge you today to look up? Look up. Your Father is waiting. He delights in you. Sees you. Loves you. Wants more for you than a life of despair and isolation and circling back to the same sins on repeat. And regardless of how many times you look down at that water lapping at your ankles, he stands steady, asking you to look up.

If you're longing to see change in your life, start by spending more time with Jesus. Abide in him. Pray against faithlessness and see how He moves. He will shove the devil aside and he will not ask. It’s not up for debate. He will demand on your behalf. He will invade for your benefit, for your good. Eyes on him, daughter. Eyes up on him, son. He speaks in promises. He can be trusted. The Bible is full to the brim with verses that say,

“He will…”
“I will…”
“The Lord will…”

Not, “He might,” “If he gets around to it,” “If something better doesn’t come along,” “Unless he gets busy or distracted or sidetracked.”

No. HE WILL comfort.
                      Encourage.
                      Strengthen.
                      Provide.
                      Protect.
                      Help.
                      Draw near.
                      Hold your hand.
                      Be with you always.

I know these promises to be true. I've seen them in my life and in the lives of others. God is not fickle, flaky, feeble or easily swayed. He promises. And comes through. For you. For me. For us. In his time. Don’t let the devil win here. Don’t let him leave you faithless. Luke 18:8 asks, “However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

Will he? Will he find it in you? When he comes back again or when he calls you home, will he find you faithful? In your marriage. In your parenting. In your job. At school. In your neighborhood. In your dealings with friends and relatives and strangers. In how you speak. In how you act. In what you believe. 

Sometimes I'll feel led to write something and I won't even really have to think about it - the words just kind of pour out of my heart because of what God is teaching me. Today's post is like that. I felt really compelled to write about it but the past few days I have been hesitant to post because I'm not really feeling it. Like, let me tell you what, I need this message for my own heart today. So rather than thinking that maybe God can't use it because I'm not feeling 100% faithful, I'm just going to post it anyway and see what he can do in my life and yours. 

I watched Beth Moore teach on Monday about living a life that is open to what God has for us, and she reminded me to pray for an open mind that has a desire to read and trust the scriptures. I think that's what I need today, so maybe that's all you need today too. A prayer for openness. A prayer for faithfulness. A prayer for eyes up only on him, for a heart that desires to spend time with him instead of just assuming you already know what he's like. Spend time with him. Get to know him so you can truthfully show others who he is.

Let it be so, Jesus. Let it be so.
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I love it when there's a song that really speaks to what I'm feeling and this song has been that for me lately. Take a listen if this has resonated with you at all. 

Bold.

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Aaron and I watched the movie Blood Diamond not too long ago. It’s fairly old now – like ten years old – so I’m late to the party on caring about this, or knowing about this, but I’m usually about five years behind the curve on most things - like puberty and marriage and knowing the proper pronunciation of pho. Anyway, this movie is about diamonds being mined in Sierra Leone and smuggled into Liberia to be sold. It takes place in 1999, when rebels were trying to take over the country. They were ravaging villages and kidnapping children and forcibly using them as soldiers and diamond miners. I can’t recap the entire story for you here, but bring tissues if you plan to watch. As the story progressed, I looked at the diamond ring on my finger and suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. I had no idea this was even an issue. I mean, I vaguely remember advertising a while ago where people were really quick to say their diamonds were “conflict-free” but I never really knew what that meant. I didn’t even know to ask about that when Aaron and I went ring shopping.

The first thing I did the next morning was call the place where we bought my engagement and wedding ring. I told Aaron after the movie was over that I was going to call and he said, “What if they can’t assure you that it is?” and I said, “Well, then we’ll sell it.” I wasn’t going to wear a child’s blood-soaked work on my finger. I understand that this was just a movie and not necessarily portraying facts with 100% accuracy, but even still, the whole thing was heartbreaking. The movie finished and I laid on the couch thinking, “The world is a terrible place.”

Every day there’s something new to warrant our sadness and outrage. But what are we supposed to do in all of these crises? How do we help in this midst of all the terror and tragedy in the world? Donate twenty dollars and hope to feel better? Write about it on social media? Share an article? Create a hashtag and pat ourselves on the back? Offer thoughts and prayers and move on two seconds later to our own problems? And, we do have our own problems. We're addicted to drugs and I'm not just talking about our smartphones. We're lost in a connected world, lonely and competing and not measuring up. We're drowning out the noise with all manner of prescriptions and vices. Our students are taking guns and killing their classmates for attention because they figure they can't get our attention any other way. 

I watched a documentary recently about Cyntoia Brown. At 16, she was convicted of first degree murder for killing a man she thought was going to rape or kill her and there’s much more the story, including the fact that this man picked her up as a prostitute and her “boyfriend” is the one who sent her out to go make him some money. Gross. But in one of the interviews she said these boys she was with – these guys who she let take advantage of her and harm her –  she said they were all just seeking affirmation. They all wanted someone to tell them they were worth something. They all had wounded pride and they were building themselves back up through money, girls, sex, and power. They wanted approval. And dang it, isn’t that what we’re all seeking though possibly through different means? We're all just crying for attention. Validation. Affirmation. Tell me I'm important!

So dear Jesus, what do we do? What do we do that would be helpful in this chaos? What do we do that would matter? And the only answer that comes to me immediately is, “Share the gospel.” Share the gospel. Okay, yeah, but what else? Nothing else. I’m not even doing that. I could be doing that much, but I’m not. So that’s the only thing to do. That’s the most important thing we can be doing right now in the midst of all the fighting and pain. Share the gospel. Be the gospel. To our neighbors and friends. To our siblings. In our own homes - to our spouses and children. Especially to our children, who will go out in their schools and either spread darkness or light. Since there’s power in the name of Jesus, then just say it, speak it, bring it to the most ordinary places you go every single day. I don’t want to get so caught up in my life that I forget that I'm here to bring the gospel. "Your kingdom come, your will be done," if that's our prayer then we have to be the ones to bring the kingdom near. 

For those who know the gospel, for those who understand that there is a Savior we all desperately need, the only reason we wouldn’t share it is because we don’t think it’s true – we don’t think it’s what people really need or want. Or we do, but we’re too scared that they’ll think we’re dumb and we don’t want to be dumb – we want to be cool! We want to be liked. We want followers and retweets and shares. I know I’m guilty. I’m guilty of thinking, “How do I say this in a way that Christians will understand and non-Christians won’t hate it?’ which is just another way to say, “How do I make Jesus cool enough for everyone?” But I can’t. I can’t do it. He doesn’t need help being cool. He just needs you to speak his name. His word is living and active and he can do what you can’t. Only he can change hearts. Only he can change minds. Only he can calm war-torn nations and ravaged cities and shredded hearts. He’s the only one who can make a real difference in any of it. He can take that twenty dollars you donated and change lives. He can take that hashtag and make it impact the entire country. He can take your start-up and let it influence the world’s most powerful leaders if he wanted to. He just wants to use you to do it, start it, write it, say it, bring his name into the conversation. 

I read an 1873 sermon on the Beatitudes by Charles Spurgeon and he said, “The sight of a vast concourse of people ought always to move us to pity, for it represents a mass of ignorance, sorrow, sin, and necessity, far too great for us to estimate.” Essentially that any crowded room should bring us great sorrow and urgency because within that room are souls, hungry and lost – souls searching and waiting for an answer to their hurt. They don’t look like it on the outside, and they certainly wouldn’t say it, but the gnawing in their hearts is real if they’d only admit as much.

In a sermon a couple of years ago, Matt Chandler said that people who have been Christians for a long time can start to walk around with this attitude of, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jesus." And it helped me realize that I lived a lot of my twenties where I said, through my thoughts and actions, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jesus," and waved him off like he was just a side item at the cafeteria of my life – something I could throw in the backseat and let him ride along as long as he was quiet. He could stay because I was going to need him at the gates of Heaven someday, but other than that he was an afterthought. He was second to anything I was doing. I mean, not always, but especially when it came to dating. I adamantly would not allow him in that corner of my life because I felt like he already failed me there. Because of the lies I believed in that arena, I’ve been shamefully timid, but not anymore. I yanked Jesus out of the back and put him behind the wheel. Now I want to embolden people to share the gospel and speak the name of Jesus. I want people to come out of the darkness and live with hope and faith and I’m a little afraid to suddenly step up and say all of this because I know I pretended it wasn’t the answer - that maybe it was just the answer for me and not necessarily other people. But it’s the only answer to everything going on in the world right now. It’s the only answer.

I called the store where we bought my engagement ring. The woman I talked to assured me that because of the Kimberley Process, implemented in 2002, they were confident that the diamonds they sold were conflict-free. I breathed out a little, knowing this bit of information, although at the end of the movie, they note that even with the Kimberley Process, conflict diamonds still enter the diamond trade. But a lot of bad stuff happens, regardless of the rules and regulations in place to stop it, so we just have to do our best to make sure we’re not participating. There will always be sin. There will always be terrible things happening in the world. And that’s why the gospel is so important. Only it can step into the darkest places. It can change the darkest heart. It can stop sin and sadness and hatred and violence in its tracks.  Only it can give the validation and affirmation we're all so desperately seeking. And maybe people will say, "That's nice for you, but Jesus isn't for me. Keep that to yourself." Well, I'll be bold here and just tell you, you're wrong. Jesus is for everyone, and if you don't think so, then you haven't understood him correctly. If you think, "Well, I just don't believe that," that doesn't make it any less true. Pray for the faith to believe.

I just finished a Beth Moore study, but I read a lot of her tweets and follow her on Instagram, so I don’t know where I read this, but somewhere, plain and simple, she wrote, “May Jesus be obvious.” The cry of her life is, “May Jesus be obvious.” Amen. Can that be the banner over our lives? Since that’s what the world needs more than anything, can we just stand up and boldly live it? Stop living halfway. Stop rationalizing sin and start getting honest. Can we share the gospel? Can we contribute our little piece to this larger story by just living and being the very picture of love in the midst of seemingly insurmountable hurt? Look for lonely people. Show love. Share the gospel. And make Jesus obvious.

For the record, I don’t think the world is a terrible place. It’s a terribly broken place, but there’s a lot of Light too. And we need more people bold enough to speak up about it. 

“Therefore having such a hope, we use great boldness in our speech…”
2 Corinthians 3:12

Nice.

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Not long ago I was doing some thinking in the shower, you know, where all the best thinking happens, and I decided that I should probably smile more. I don't even really know where the thought came from or why, but I do know that for the first time in my life I’m generally happy and content, so I should really exercise my face muscles more often. The corners of my mouth naturally turn down when it’s just sitting there minding its own business, but I got convicted recently that if I’ve got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart, then maybe I should actually let my face surely show it.

So I had been mulling that around for a couple of days when I had an interaction with a male co-worker. It was a pleasant exchange – polite, professional. We talked briefly about a project I was working on and I was given some instructions and then he left. And when he left I thought, “Gosh, I didn’t smile at all.” I could have at least looked happy about the project or given some indication that I wasn't mad/annoyed/upset. Why don’t I smile more often? Why don’t I smile readily and happily and automatically?

Just over two years ago now an article was published by The Huffington Post about women and this thing they do that men aren’t usually aware of and perhaps women aren’t aware they do it. I still remember it because it was so striking. It said,

We have all learned, either by instinct or by trial and error, how to minimize a situation that makes us uncomfortable. How to avoid angering a man or endangering ourselves. We have all, on many occasions, ignored an offensive comment. We’ve all laughed off an inappropriate come-on. We’ve all swallowed our anger when being belittled or condescended to… We learn at a young age how to do this. We didn’t put a name or label to it. We didn’t even consider that other girls were doing the same thing. But we were teaching ourselves, mastering the art of de-escalation. Learning by way of observation and quick risk assessment what our reactions should and shouldn’t be.

“Learning by… quick risk assessment what our reactions should and shouldn’t be.” Yes! We think to ourselves, 'How should I react right now? What is this person going to think? How do I keep this short and to the point?' And when it gets uncomfortable we minimize our situations. We de-escalate. We think, 'What can I say to get out of this in the least confrontational/awkward way possible? How do I back away from this politely so as not to be seen as rude?' I read this article and thought, “Oh, dang. I have done this for as long as I can remember.” And I realized in thinking through my interaction with my coworker that this is also the reason I’m slow to smile. Granted, he did not make me uncomfortable. He did not make me feel anything at all. But I’ve trained myself to hold back often enough that it comes more natural than smiling.

I don’t smile that often because I don’t want to give someone the wrong idea. Maybe this sounds conceited to you, but that is not my heart. I don’t think every man I interact with is interested in me. But too many of the wrong ones have been. Too often I had people tell me I was flirting with someone who I had no intention of flirting with because, apparently, I was really smiley and laughing too much. Too often I had men pursue me because they thought I was flirting when I wasn’t, I was just trying to be nice. Too often I had inappropriate comments made to me and about me because of the way I look. Too often I had other women worried that I was flirting with their man because I was smiling and joking around, so they would cut me down or make fun of me in front of others. Too often I had male authority figures in my life make comments to me that were outrageously inappropriate.

When something happens too often, when you sense a pattern, you either consciously or unconsciously learn how to deal with it. I think this is where all my smiles got lost. This happened so often in my late teens and twenties that I eventually made myself smaller so as not to seem like I was “too much” or “too flirty.” A couple of years ago a friend said that I carry myself with a general attitude of, “Nothing to see here.” But I think I just learned to become less – to go out of my way to make everyone else feel comfortable so that I don’t seem imposing or intimidating or flirting, especially with a man that was never even on my radar. Don’t smile. Don’t give him the wrong idea. Don’t give her the wrong idea. Become less. Shrink. Melt away if you can. Is it possible to vaporize at this moment? I wish. I think a lot of us have done this - become bearers of the message, “Nothing to see here.”

The article went on to say that when we’ve encountered a situation where we know we must de-escalate, “We go through a quick mental checklist. Does he seem volatile, angry? Are there other people around? Does he seem reasonable and is just trying to be funny, albeit clueless? Will saying something impact my school/job/reputation? In a matter of seconds we determine whether we will say something or let it slide. Whether we’ll call him out or turn the other way, smile politely or pretend that we didn’t hear/see/feel it.”

A few other things on my mental checklist are, “How well do I know this person?” “How will other people perceive this interaction?” And all of this happens within a flicker of a second. In the span of one awkward comment or one up and down look in your direction. But the problem with de-escalation is we're usually trying to be nice. 

I was raised to be a nice person. Say please and thank you. Listen. Obey. Respect authority. Put others before yourself. So I guess I just always felt like I had to be polite - especially to authority figures. Like that article says, we learn to “play along to get along.” Don’t cause a scene. Don’t be a problem. Be nice. So I never wanted to start a fuss but I’ve learned, more often than not, I should have started a fuss. And sometimes you don’t have to be polite. Sometimes you don’t have to put others first. Sometimes you can just say, “You know what, you need to run along. And don’t talk to me like that.” I look back on the whole 33 years of my life and there are so many times I should have stood up for myself, respected myself just a LITTLE bit and said, “Don’t talk to me like that.” “Don’t treat me like that.” In fact, the one time I did snap back and say that, I got fired. I told my man-child of a boss, “Don’t talk to me like that,” and a couple of days later, he fired me. But I didn’t care then and I don’t care now. I maybe could have said it with a little bit more tact, but for once in my life I stood up for myself and it felt great.

Maybe you've never felt the need to de-escalate a situation, but have you ever been asked to smile? Because that's a prime example. I have been asked/told this so many times. “You should smile more.” “You look prettier when you’re smiling.” And this has happened in all sorts of arenas – work, church, out with friends – but many times it happens with strangers – at the checkout of the grocery store, or even just walking by someone on the street. And in my heart my reaction is always, 'Are you kidding me right now?' First of all, I don’t even know you. Second of all, how do you know what happened to me that day? What if my mom died or something? Should I be smiling then? And third of all, what if we’ve all tucked our smiles away because we don’t want you to think we’re flirting? We don’t want you to come talk to us. We don’t want you to approach so we’re putting out approximately zero vibe on purpose. But, you know, we want to be nice. So we usually smile.

I’m walking a fine line here. I am aware of this. Like even as I type this I feel like I’ll get pushback from people who will say, “Wow, calm down. They’re just trying to make conversation.” Sure, but there are plenty of people who know how to do this without demanding something of me. Maybe something like, “How’s your day?”

And listen, I am not bashing men. Hear me say this: not all men are like this. Say it out loud to yourself if you have to: Not. All. Men. Are. Like. This. I have so many amazing examples in my life of men who take their calling seriously and show honor and respect to women in beautiful ways. But I also know that not all of us have the same experience. Maybe the men in your life have been horrible to you. Maybe you’ve had nothing but terrible interactions – men with wicked hearts who took advantage of you, hurt you, betrayed you. I know this. I know you’re out there. At times, I have been in that position. So I’m praying right this minute that a man who fears the Lord would enter your life even today. That one would step up to the plate and show you what it means to honor and respect you as a woman.

Because so many women have been put in these uncomfortable situations, or because they feel like they have to push back doubly hard against wicked men, our culture has created the idea that “The future is female.” I get the underlying feeling it’s trying to promote so don’t @ me, but I find it to be a little vapid because if we’re to have a shot at a future at all the fact is we need men. The future is men and women working together, living together, going to school and work and church together, cooperating, sharing, respecting and honoring one another. The future is strong women and good men. Our men are smart and endearing and funny and helpful and brave and we need them! We just need more of them to step up and be men, not weak little boys who take a rejection as a reason to whine and a girl not smiling at them as a personal affront. So yes and amen, let’s raise strong girls who are brave enough to say, “Don’t talk to me like that.” But let’s also raise good men who wouldn’t even think of talking to her like that in the first place.

I just finished reading Anna Kendrick's book, Scrappy Little Nobody. She's the actress from all the Pitch Perfect movies and I thought it would be a funny book but it's not really that funny. Anyway, the part I appreciated about it is when she talks about being nice. Especially as girls, we're raised to want to be seen as nice and,

"Lest we be besmirched with that most damning label (being called "difficult"), it feels imperative that we strive for "nice." When I'm put in an uncomfortable position or when someone asks something of me that I feel borders on taking advantage, the threat of "so nice" being snatched away from me hangs in the air. Should I stand my ground, or be a doormat? How many concessions would I have to make, how much crap would I have to swallow to stay a "nice girl"? ... Nice is different than good. Do you need to do whatever you're told to be a nice person? Maybe. Do you need to do whatever you're told to be a good person? Of course not! Man, woman, personal, professional - some people have a skill for persuading you the best thing you can be is obedient... [But] I gave up on being nice. I started putting more value on other qualities instead: passion, bravery, intelligence, practicality, humor, patience, fairness, sensitivity."

Amen. Let's stop worrying about being nice. Let's be wise, humble, compassionate, smart. But nice doesn't need to hold so much value.

I really do still feel like I should smile more, but not because I'm still striving for nice. I want to care less if you think I'm nice and more about being a ferocious woman of God, who cares deeply for people. I want to be steady and brave. I want to show mercy and grace. Let's raise brave girls who aren't afraid to stand up for themselves and kind boys who grow up to be men who don't put women in uncomfortable situations where they have to decide how to de-escalate. Listen, I get it, the waters of our current culture are murky. And I'm not a parent so I'm not even going to give you advice on how to raise your kids to be this way. But the fact is, we need each other, and the only way into the future is together.